we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize