a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
