I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
