...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
