my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
