That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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