oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
