Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
