The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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