we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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