fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
