how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
