I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
