id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
