so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
