Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
