so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize