I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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