i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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