We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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