the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Someone shattered a urinal.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
