I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize