i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize