just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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