my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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