I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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