You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
