I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
