i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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