i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
