Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
