Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
