For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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