What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Randomize
