GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
