remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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