I wish life had little blips of pornography
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Randomize
