Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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