She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
