So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
