she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
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