Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
