after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
