That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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