i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
