I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
