I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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