I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
