so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
