my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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