I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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