my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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