BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
