I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
