My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Your dad touched me again.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
he just fucked me for my cheese..
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize