Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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