Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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