mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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