you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
