Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize