I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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