In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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