It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
