do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Randomize
