just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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