your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Having a random hookup so left but love u
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
