Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
