In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize