just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
