hell yes lets make some ravioli
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
