Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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