I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
These tits shall not be calmed
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
