I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
