I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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