i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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