I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
